I didn't realise it was spelled Frogsporn!

I'm about as far removed from being a nature lover as it's possible to be so was really not the ideal candidate to carry out a wildlife rescue the other day. But as I was first on the scene it fell to me to step up.

It happened in our garden pond. Basically I spotted two frogs drowning. As they thrashed about in the water they clung together like the doomed couple from Titantic. I leapt into action (pardon the pun!), grabbed the net we use to clear out pond weed and flicked them to safety on the rockery.

At which point I realised that they hadn't actually been drowning and were clinging together for altogether different reasons than I'd first assumed! I now faced a new dilema. The ardour of the frogs had not been dampened by their high speed journey through the air from the water to the pondside. They remained glued together, oblivious to their surroundings. Which was unfortunate because my three cats now sensed some sport in the offing and were closing in.

I tried clapping (to get their attention - not in an applause way) but had to resort to the net once again. Unfortunately, it's much easier to flick copulating frogs out of a pond than back into one. Eventaully I got the edge of the net under the frogs just as one of the cats made his move. I flicked with all my might. Which, given how high they subsequently flew, probably wasn't strictly necessary. Anyway, they parted mid flight and dropped into the water as individuals. Danger averted.

I do now realise that it was actually unlikely (if not impossible) that a couple of amphibians were drowning but hey, better safe than sorry I say. Mind you, I'm not sure whether the frogs would agree. Somewhere in Beckenham there are two very traumatised frogs who won't be having any more froggie sex any time soon.

A Mars a Day Makes You.....fat!

So this week I have been mainly......dieting. Totally my own fault that I need to, I should never have taken the lid off the Quality Street over Christmas (although subsequently removing the lid from the Roses and then Celebrations definitely compounded the error!).

Anyway, once the chocolate monster that lives inside me had been unleashed she was reluctant to return to a sensible diet incorporating five a day. She insisted that I persevere in my attempt to empty all three sweet containers long after all other members of the family had retired from the game. And she would not listen to reason. Eventually I found myself ploughing through the orange creams. But rock bottom was still to come. That was when I started nibbling the chocolate off the Turkish Delights and discarding the middle bit.

December became January and still I feasted on chocolate. Until I found myself watching the Biggest Loser whilst gorging on some Marks and Spencer cherry liquers and was smacked in the face by the irony of the situation. I'd like to say that I hurled the offending confections into the bin and took myself off for a run. But actually I finished the box (well, if you've got to diet anyway!) and resolved to start the following day.

Game, Set and Match Made in Heaven

I've been having tennis lessons for two years now. At least. I run several times a week and I go to the gym. My husband does absolutely nothing. Yet he can still beat me at any and every sport you'd care to name. He is a professional athlete trapped in the body of a couch potato!

Lately, we've started playing tennis together and better Cardio fitness is my only advantage. So, I try to run him around the court and every time the ball goes out I restart really quickly, before he can get his breath. But to be honest, it doesn't really matter because if he wanted - he could thrash me.

But that's where the fun starts. He's no fool and I'm not a very good loser. So he's now found a level of play that allows us both to enjoy the game. Sometimes he forgets himself (usually when I gloat over a point won or start one of my victory dances) and smacks a serve that speeds past me or does something clever with spin. But then if he gets too far ahead he'll suddenly fumble a return or miss the opportunity to put the ball past me. When this happens he'll often angrily smack the racket into his palm, mutter under his breath or shake his head in disappointment.

His acting is nowhere near as good as his tennis but bless him for making the effort. The fact that he does means that harmony and happiness prevail; both on the court and back at home. In fact, this approach to tennis could be seen as a metaphor for a successful marriage; make sure you both get to win sometimes - even if it means that one of you has to double fault occassionally*!

* preferably him :)

Self scan? Shall I unload the lorry and stack the shelves too?

Why are the staff in Sainsbury's so keen to direct customers to the self scan tills? Surely they must realise that if we all 'self scan' then they won't have any jobs? Plus they are rubbish (the tills not the staff!)

My husband is a huge fan of self scan. But then he only ever goes to the supermarket to pick up bits. Generally things that I've forgotten on my big weekly shop; where I'm pretty good at fruit and veg, not bad through meat and dairy but my starting to lose the will to live at dried goods and storecupboard staples. Mind you, I normally rally at biscuits and am positively perky though wine.

Anyway, self scan. So, he always want to use it and I'm never keen. I think it's something to do with his basic male need to use any type of technology. No matter how shit. This difference of opinion makes our self scanning experiences quite fraught. He strides to the machine with all the confidence of a seasoned till worker, while I sulk in the background praying he'll have to call for asistance.

Actually, he's started to get quite competant at it. And smug. So imagine his consternation when recently the machine loudly and insistently announced that there was 'an unknown item in the bagging area'. He frantically started pushing buttons but it was too late. The supervisor had to come and intervene with her override card. He was still pondering what had gone wrong as we made our way to the car but I didn't feel the need to mention that I may have been resting my knee on the bagging area.

Now that's what I call spin!

Was very pleased to find out that I'd won a raffle prize recently. Since the theme of the event had been pampering, was even more excited when I learnt it was a 'handbag butler'

Finally, my lifestyle had caught up with my aspirations. An attractive young man to follow me around for the rest of my days carrying my bag! In fairness, I've done the groundwork - handbags are to me what shoes are to many other women. I own a lot. I have one in most colours, sometimes two - smart and casual or small and large. Because you just never know. I consider myself the ideal employer for such an individual.

Except apparantly a handbag butler is actually a metal hook (albeit fancy) that you use to hang your bag from the table when you go out to dinner.

A useful accessory but oh, the crushing disappointment!

But it got me to thinking - what an excellent way to make a quite mundance item sound desirable. And a good lesson for every small business. It's all about creating a buzz around what you do and making potential clients feel that what you offer or sell is going to enhance their life in some way.

Mmm, maybe I'll ponder that some more during a personal floatation experience (bath) enhanced by some multi sensory mood lighting (scented candles) with a G and T garnished with drinks diamonds (ice cubes).

I'm sorry, I completely misunderstood and appear to have killed my husband!

I may officially be the worst blogger ever - it's been ages! Must do better!

In my defence, I've been ploughing loads of time and effort into building the business. I've thrown myself into the local networking arena, which has brought lots of new contacts and a pleasing amount of work. It also means I have amassed a vast collection of business cards. And I've noticed that these seem to fall into two categories.

For small or owner managed businesses the card is all about selling the business. Thought has been given to colour, design, straplines, bullet points selling the benefits of the business etc etc. These cards are like small children - full of exuberance and enthusiasm, noisily clamouring for attention at the front of the class with their hand stretched as high in the air as possible while shouting "Me me me!"

Then there's the corporate business card. A different proposition altogether. Generally understated, white space is usually a feature with these cards. These companies are often in the enviable position of having a sufficiently strong brand that they don't need to sell on their business card. They remind me of teenagers - laid back, almost to the point of disinterest. Sufficiently comfortable in their own skin that they feel no particular need to make an effort to engage with their audience.

But, before we write them off, the Corporate Business Card does have an extra trick up their sleeve. The job title. In my short networking career I've met Managers (Account, Sales and Relationship) Directors (Account again but also Managing and Regional) and several Heads of...All of which can leave the small businsess feeling rather inadequate and outcrowd - more teenage behaviour! Or perhaps that's just sour grapes from a small business owner!

Mind you, job titles are not always used to their best advantage. My Father-in-Law has been in hospital for several months. The Hospital staff feel that they've now taken his rehabilitation as far as they can and are looking to move him on. All of which gave me some valuable context when I played back a voice mail message for my husband from (her words) "The Discharge Nurse" Eeeuuww!

I may not know exactly what you do, but I'm pretty sure you're offside!

Do you know exactly what your friends and family do for a living? I have a vague idea how most of mine spend their day but generally it doesn’t extend much beyond knowing the industry in which they work. My good friend T, for example, I can say with absolute certainty that she is in banking. What sort banking? Well, she works for Deutsche Bank, so that would be German banking! But beyond that, I’m a bit sketchy! And as for K, well she is in Accounting. I think!

It’s not that I’m not interested. It’s just that I haven't managed to keep abreast of their various progressions and promotions. And I’m afraid that this isn’t a new thing for me. I absolutely never got to grips with what my Dad did for a living, which is quite ungrateful when you consider that whatever it was effectively kept me clothed and fed. Still, he’s retired now so that’s a weight off my mind! The thing is that it goes past the point when you can ask for clarification.

It puts me in mind of when I bought my first flat and introduced myself to the chap downstairs. When next I saw him he was munching a bacon sandwich but shouted out what sounded like a cheery “Morning Anna.” And to borrow from the Ting Tings – that’s not my name! But he had been eating a sandwich. Maybe I’d misheard. The next time I saw him he was just rushing off to work but as the door slammed behind him I definitely heard “Hi Anna!” Never mind, I’d correct him next time. Except I didn’t see him until he dropped off Anna’s Christmas card and a bottle of wine to apologise for a noisy party he’d hosted. At which point it seemed a bit churlish to put him right. Plus I might not have got to keep Anna’s wine!

Anyway, I digress. The purpose of this is that I was making this rather long and rambling point to a new friend who pointed out that perhaps my friends and family found my chosen profession – PR – to be an equally closed book. I mean it’s a term we’re all very used to hearing. It’s bandied about in the media all the time. A bit like the phrase ‘offside’ in football. But, as with offside, just because we hear a phrase a lot, it doesn’t necessarily mean we know what it is!

So, for the uninitiated, PR is the management of communications between an organisation and its publics. It can be used to build rapport with customers, potential customers, employees, investors or the general public. And generally speaking, PR uses methods and tools that don’t require direct payment. Such as working with the press, speaking at conferences or employee and customer communications.

It would have been fitting to sum up by juxtaposing the above with a neat definition of the offside rule - but despite consulting numerous sources, I’m still not 100 percent clear!"